You Don’t Have to Be Grateful for the Bare Minimum

By Luis Javier Madrigal, LMHC

There’s this thing we do — especially if we grew up in homes where love came with conditions, or in cultures where sacrifice was the currency of worth —we start calling crumbs a full meal.

We tell ourselves: “Well… at least they checked in.” “At least they didn’t yell this time.” “They’re trying.”

And then we sit with this ache in our chest, trying to be grateful for something that still hurts.

Let me be clear: You can be grateful for the effort and still notice it’s not enough.

The bar can be low and you're allowed to want more.

Gratitude is beautiful. But sometimes it gets twisted into a tool of self-gaslighting.

Like when someone gives you 20% and you try to convince yourself that it’s actually 100 — because asking for more feels like betrayal. Or because deep down, you’re scared that this is as good as it gets. That this is all you deserve.

But listen…Gratitude should never come at the cost of your dignity. Being thankful doesn’t mean you have to settle.

Here’s what I see in the therapy room:

Clients saying:

🗣️ “They’re not perfect, but they stay.” 🗣️ “He’s working on it, and I know I’m hard to love.” 🗣️ “She’s doing the best she can — and I don’t want to be ungrateful.”

And look — I get it. I’ve been that person too. I’ve made excuses for love that made me shrink. I’ve confused crumbs with care, because they were better than nothing. But eventually, I had to ask myself:

If I weren’t so used to surviving, would I even call this love?

Love isn’t perfect. But it should feel safe.

It should make room for your needs, not shame you for having them. It should grow with you — not guilt-trip you into staying small. It should stretch sometimes, yes… but it shouldn’t snap you in half.

You can hold compassion for where someone’s at and still recognize that it’s not enough for where you’re going. You can say “thank you” and “this isn’t working.”

Both things can be true.

If you needed a sign to raise the bar…

Here it is. 💌

You don’t have to perform gratitude for love that still leaves you lonely. You don’t have to shrink to make someone else feel comfortable. And you sure as hell don’t have to be grateful for the bare minimum.

Love isn’t just about staying.

It’s about showing up — fully, consistently, and with care.

You deserve that. And you’re allowed to say it out loud.

With love (and fire), Luis 🐯💛